There is a lot of advice out there on how to upgrade your dating life, how to manifest a better love life, how to have a rom-com-worthy meet-cute, and more, but even if you read all the articles and consider all of your friends’ suggestions on how to meet someone and actually maintain a relationship, you can still come up short. It can be frustrating when the things that are working for so many other people aren’t working for you, but have you ever stopped to consider whether or not it’s the advice that’s the problem or if it’s just… you?
We never want to believe that we are the ones in our own way, but when all signs are pointing straight to us as the problem, we have to put on our big girl pants and admit fault. Let me be clear that this doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with us, it just means that maybe it’s time to take a step back from dating for a while—take a dating hiatus, if you will.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by dating or frustrated that all of your dates lately have been a total flop, you might be due for a dating hiatus. Here are six signs that indicate it’s time to do just that:
1. You keep dating all the wrong people
Did you know that more people now are dating beyond their typical type? Now more than ever, singles are open to the idea of dating people who they otherwise would have, for example, just considered a friend or swiped left on altogether. So if you have spent years dating multiple versions of “your type” and it has never worked out, you should stop dating and reconsider what you actually want out of a partner instead of looking for a different version of the same person over and over again and expecting different results.
2. You find something wrong with every relationship
Have you ever met a perfect-on-paper person, but something about them just bothers you? They could be the most kind and thoughtful partner, but for some reason, you assume it’s “too good to be true” and are already anticipating that something is going to flush the relationship down the toilet. Maybe all of your friends are like “What is wrong with you, can’t you just let them make you happy?”. This could be a sign that you really aren’t ready to believe that someone could be the right person for you, and instead, you self-sabotage the relationship by finding even the smallest thing wrong with it.
3. You keep lowering your standards
Do you find yourself making excuses for the people you date? Like when they do something that’s not ideal, you either ignore it for the sake of not causing an issue, brush it off like it’s no big deal, or defend their actions to friends when they bring up the things you shouldn’t put up with. I think we have all been there or have known someone who has been. It’s OK to lower your standards if you are being a little too picky, but when you keep lowering your standards just to have someone around, that’s not a realistic way to find the person who is worth spending your time with. In order to remind yourself that you are capable and worthy of finding someone who treats you right, respects you, and inspires you, you might have to spend a little time alone first.
4. You are experiencing burnout
When all of your date nights start to run into each other in your head and you’re just flat-out exhausted from trying to keep up with the dating scene, it’s time to take a step back. Dating isn’t supposed to run you into the ground! You should feel excited about going on a date with someone new, but if you show up and you’re clearly just going through the motions, odds are that nothing is going to come from your date anyway and you’re just making it worse for yourself. Especially if you feel like you’ve swiped on everyone on earth, delete the apps for a while and give yourself a break. Until you start to feel less exhausted and more exhilarated about the thought of dating, take a much-needed break.
5. You’re dating because you feel like you have to
If the point you’re at in your life right now doesn’t look like how you thought it would (married, kids, white picket fence, etc.), you might feel the need to hurry up and find someone to settle down with as quickly as possible. But I challenge you to take a deep breath and ask yourself why you feel the need to rush. Is it because your family is pressuring you? Are you disappointed that you didn’t follow the imaginary timeline that you set in your own head? As cliché as it sounds, everything really does happen in its own time, so don’t date because you feel like you have to. Instead, stop dating until you feel like you actually want to.
6. You’re worried about being “good enough” for someone
If you are going on dates and are nervous about being liked, you’re doing yourself a disservice. When you go on a date, you shouldn’t feel like you’re going into an interview and want to prove to the other person that you’re good enough for the role of significant other. The point of a date is to get to know someone and let them get to know you so that you can both decide whether or not it’s right to move forward with the relationship. When you worry about being “good enough” and then your dates fall flat, it can seriously hurt your self-esteem and make you feel like you’re the reason relationships aren’t working out. This simply isn’t true, but it’s hard to see that when you’re in the thick of it. When you take a break from dating, you are able to remember that what you bring to the table is important and you don’t need to prove your worth to someone.
- Bee 🐝